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Kneel before O.W.L.D.O.C.!
2007-12-20 09:09:01
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One of my many Internet slaves, Rich Vining, he who runs a music & comics blog Cable & Tweed, has provided A.I.M. with the attached (finger quotes) "illustration" by the one who calls himself Andy Runton, of O.W.L.D.O.C., the Overt Worm Lover Designed Only for Cuddling.
WHO SAYS MY GENIUS IS NOT SUITABLE FOR ALL AGES?!?
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I'm ON STRIKE!
2007-11-06 13:02:42
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No, not because of this. I NEED NO WRITERS TO WRITE MY MONOLOGUE MATERIAL! I RANT PERFECTLY WELL EXTEMPORANEOUSLY! ALL MY PEARLS OF WISDOM ARE PURE MODOK! YET ANOTHER REASON MODOK SHOULD TAKE OVER THE "TONIGHT SHOW"!! (#1 Reason: You already have a guy with an enormous chin. I say, why settle for just the chin when you can have someone with a totally enormous chin, ears, eyes, nose, hair, nostrils, etc.?)
No, I am on strike because of yet another outrage perpetrated upon my dignity, this time by the operators of the so-called (finger quotes) "amusement park" known as Islands of Adventure!
Now, once I heard that said theme park had a Marvel Super Heroes Island with such featured rides as the Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man and the Hulk Coaster, I got quite excited. Would there be a "M.O.D.O.K. Brain Blast Flume?" The "A.I.M. Arcade"? I mean, if that tin-plated buffoon Victor von Doom got his own Tower of Terror-type-deal, surely I -- M.O.D.O.K.! -- rate one as well?!?
Imagine my shock, then, to learn I am represented at Marvel Island -- but in the most undignified manner possible! No, my fearsome visage is depicted on the side of the Captain America Diner ... GETTING HIT IN THE FACE BY A DEAD GUY!!!
This is totally unacceptable, Interweb. I immediately dispatched writing slave Fred Van Lente (who, before you ask, more takes dictation for me than actually writes anything ... What ... the Dictation Union isn't on strike is it?) to go down there and stand disapprovingly under my two-dimensional hoverchair until Islands of Adventure comes up with an (finger quotes) "attraction" worthy of my stature in the world of techno-terrorism!
Now, Fred has a lot of spare time on his hands, since he long ago completed the climactic issue of Super Villain Team-Up: MODOK's 11 ... ON SALE NOV. 7!!! but let's not let him stand there forever, striking like a poor sap.
I call on the aid of my Interweb minions!!!
WHAT THEME PARK RIDE WOULD YOU CREATE IN MY HONOR?!?!?
Discuss.
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The Journal of MODOK Studies LIVES!
2007-10-17 12:35:17
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DROP EVERYTHING LOYAL INTERNET SLAVES!! I have broken my long radio silence in response to an urgent missive I just received from trusted writing drone Fred Van Lente, who spent this past weekend at a pitiful (finger press) "indy comics convention" which calls itself The Small Press Expo, or SPX:
O Great Cranial Master,
I have terrific news! While attending this year's SPX, the editor of the Journal of MODOK Studies—the one who calls himself George M. Tarleton—stopped by my table to say hi.
Ever since you honored me by allowing me to chronicle your criminal escapades in the pages of SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM-UP: MODOK's 11 I had heard of this legendary zine, an exhaustive chronicling of your glory in prose, comics, historical articles and more. I searched everywhere for it, but kept being thwarted by the fact that it was—in a true crime against culture and society everywhere—out of stock and out of print!
Fortunately, however, George stopped by my Evil Twin Comics booth and gave me the skinny. It seems that after producing his first three well-received issues, George has assembled a fourth and was preparing to photocopy it in massive quantities for your legions of frenzied admirers, but a leak in his house destroyed the originals. Up until very recently, he believed this same leak had destroyed the originals for the previous three issues as well.
Recently, however, in what can only be described as a miracle that is further proof of the Almighty's sanction of your future domination of Earth, George discovered the originals for the three issues, and that means that the Journal of MODOK Studies is BACK IN PRINT!!
Because he approves of what I, Francis Portela & Co. are doing in the pages of MODOK's 11, George kindly gave me the three issues, and even signed them too! I have snapped a photograph of the first issue as visual proof before I put a backing board on it, polybag it and secret away in a safety deposit box.
I hope you spread the word of the Journal's rebirth to your vast army of Internet slaves and I hope that, should the Journal become available via the World Wide Web, George will see fit to contact BLOGDOK and let your minions know how it can be acquired.
And he is working on a senses-shattering fourth issue as well! Can there be any sweeter news to the ears of your rabid masses of fans? If it is anything like the first three issues—which features such articles as a summary and commentary on your many glorious comic book appearances, excerpts from your diary, mini-comix, fan art, and, better yet, an entire issue devoted to your beloved Ms. MODOK ... well, then, the arrival of the fourth issue shall surely rival the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls themselves.
All Hail MODOK!
Fred Van Lente
Well, that is good news, Fred. So I demand my legions go forth and locate this Journal for MODOK Studies, and bring it the financial success it so richly deserves!
Move over "SCIENCE"! Eat this, "Journal of the American Medical Association!"
At last there's an (finger quotes) "academic journal" WORTH reading!
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M.O.D.O.C.K.E.R.S. TV Ad: Outtakes
2007-08-22 13:20:21
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Take 21
"Hi, MODOK here. When you're an insane floating head like me, it's hard to find casual wear that's both comfortable and affordable—until now, thanks to the good people at Dockers.
"Now, when Ms. Marvel and I want to go out for an exiting night of dinner, a movie, and mass murder, I can just open my closet and telekinetically pull out my MODOCKERS khaki--
"What?
"No, I didn't, I said 'MODAM'...
"Oh, did I really? (chuckles) Ooh, boy, the missus would give me hell if she ever heard that..."
beep!
Take 38
"I can hardly believe how easy it is to get my MODOCKERS ... nggk ... over my dangling vestigial limbs... Just... Hold on... Zipper's stuck... ngggk...
"Just a sec... I'm gonna give this a good tug...
"AAAAAGGGHHH!! AAAAGGHH!! MEDIC!!
"LITTLE MODOK GOT CAUGHT IN THE ZIPPER!!!!"
beep!
Take 63
"The best thing about my MODOCKERS is how there's a little hole in the seat for the exhaust of my hoverchair to come out of, and, uh...
"Uh...
"Line?
"Yeah, and, uh, they're also stonewashed, for--
"Hey! Hey! I HEARD THAT THOUGHT! I CAN READ MINDS YOU KNOW! I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO GO HOME, I -- MODOK! -- DEMAND AS MANY TAKES AS I WANT UNTIL I'M SATISFIED WITH MY (finger quotes) 'PERFORMANCE'!
"WHAT'S THAT? OH, YEAH, MR. FANCY-PANTS DIRECTOR? I GOT A 'CUT' FOR YOU!
"AS IN CUT DOWN BY MY MIND BLASTS!!!!
beep!
Take 115
(MODOK on cell phone)
"Listen, Craig, you're my agent, you've got to get me out of this! Isn't there some kind of escape clause in my contract that voids it for 'creative differences?'
"What? Put the director on? Well... There's kind of a problem with that. There's been an accident. He's ... dead.
"Yeah, I killed him, but I don't see what that has to do with--
"The producer? No can do Craig -- she's dead too.
"D.P.? Dead. Boom operator? Dead. Best boy? Dead. Slate guy? I'm not sure what they're called. But he's dead too.
"Yeah, well, the funny this is, that was the creative difference. They wanted to stay alive, and I didn't want them to.
"Hello?
"Craig?"
beep!
Thanks to Toyfare for the MODOCKERS ad.
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Contest Winner Ish on sale...
2007-08-22 11:53:43
MODOK's San Diego Report 2007
2007-08-08 12:18:40
I know it's been a while since I've issued you a communique, Interweb slaves. I APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING!! Thanks to a week's worth of glucose packs spiked with Red Bull, I at last have recovered from my trip to the (finger quotes) "Comic-Con International" in San Diego to promote SVTU: M11.
And I have deemed you worthy to have my observations shared with you. No, no: No need to thank me. Laying down your lives in my service is enough.
First off: I know you can't see this over the Interweb, but I am doing extra exaggerated finger quotes for (finger quotes) "Comic-Con International." The more accurate way to describe it would be the (finger quotes) "Comic TV Movies Video Games Fantasy Art RPG Magic the Gathering T-Shirt Soft Core Porn Cable Syndication Back Issue Washed-Up and Not-So-Washed Up Actor Masquerade Vampire Small Press Genre Novel Action Figure Manga Anime Little Plastic Figurines That Can't Move So I Guess They're Technically Not Action Figures But I Don't Know What Else To Call Them Con."
Or, perhaps even more accurately, the Anyone Who Wants To Separate Fans from Their Money Con.
And did the fans come? O, did they come. They stampeded there faster than Red Skull hitting the Cash Bar during our meetings for the "Acts of Vengeance" crossover. (Red Skull? They should call him Red Liver. Glug, glug.)
I haven't heard any accurate estimates yet, but using my advanced 144-lobed brain I would conservatively estimate the number of attendees at 500 BILLION PEOPLE. At least that's what it felt like. The San Diego Convention is on the harbor, you know, and I think we're all lucky it didn't tip over into the sea. With the constant rubbernecking at one celebrity to the next, and all the different sprawling "immersive environment" movie-related booths, you could barely move on the convention floor at any given hour. Going from one side of the hall to the other made me feel like I was leading an Amazon jungle expedition. And that's not just because I was making my way through with a machete.
(Note to self: Make machetes standard sidearms for all A.I.M personnel.)
And then I'd go back to me and Hendricks' hotel room and turn on the TV or pick up the newspaper ... and all the news was about the !@@$%! Comic-Con! There was no escaping it!
I DO NOT SUPPORT THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA'S EMBRACE OF COMIC BOOK CULTURE! THE GOALS OF ADVANCED IDEA MECHANICS ARE NOT YET FULLY REALIZED AND OUR SCHEMES WILL BE BEST REALIZED OUTSIDE THE NEWS SPOTLIGHT, PARTICULARLY THAT BLONDE CHICK FROM THE LOCAL SAN DIEGO NEWS STATION YUKKING IT UP WITH "CAVEMAN ROBOT"!
Although, that is the best part of Comic-Con: It is, without a doubt, the greatest People Watching spot on Planet Earth, bar none. Setting aside the sheer number of vampires and Princess-Leia-as-Jabba's-Slave-Girl costumes ... my favorite are the people who are dressed like something you can't quite put your finger on...
Then you realize, with a quicksilver frisson of horror, "Wait a minute... That's what that person dresses like all the time!!"
I know what you're thinking. How was I -- MODOK! -- able to people watch and peruse the convention floor with impunity, knowing the warrant and reward S.H.I.E.L.D. has put on my prodigious head?
That was the easy part.
JUST WHO DO YOU THINK WAS INSIDE THAT GIANT FLOATING STORMTROOPER HELMET?!?
Any of you have any conventions to recommend?
Puzzle Contest WINNAH!!!
2007-07-23 12:03:10
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After numerous inspirational beatings, my Interweb minions at last sent me a complete list of all the correct answers to my glorious Puzzle Contest. For your information, out of the 532 entries there were 264 correct solutions to the puzzle.
SO THAT MEANS 49.43% OF YOU ARE NOT TOTAL MORONS!!!!!
That percentage is actually much higher than I thought it would be. Good job, Interweb.
Using my vast 144-lobed brain I assigned a number to each correct response then went to this random number generating web site which selected...
(beats teeny-tiny purple hands on desk to simulate drum roll)
...the one who calls himself Scott Begley of Chicago, IL as our winner! Congratulations, Scott. To you goes the unprecedented honor into being drawn into a scene in SVTU:M11 #2, which ships in August.
Scott provided A.I.M. headquarters excellent photo reference of his handsome mug so trusted art slave Francis Portela can render his visage with loving accuracy. He wanted Francis to draw his tattoo if he could, and we will do our best to accommodate that request. If not, it's up here, at least.
IF YOU SEE SCOTT BEGLEY PROWLING THE STREETS OF CHICAGO, BOW TO HIM!! BOW TO HIS GREATNESS, I TELL YOU!!
Or, at the very least, if he looks sad, run up without warning and give him a hug.
I hear people love it when total strangers do that.
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It's All About the O
2007-07-19 17:27:09
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Dear Oprah's Book Club,
I am writing you because all my attempts to infiltrate your organization have failed. Even I -- MODOK! -- am (finger quotes) "man" enough to turn to (finger quotes) "reason" when subterfuge, mind-blasts and super-science have failed.
Perhaps I should have listened to Undercover Agent Y-57 when he said he should take off his yellow vinyl beekeeper outfit before attempting his infiltration of your headquarters as "Moe the Janitor." BUT THAT WOULD HAVE SHOWN INSUFFICIENT PRIDE AS ONE OF MY GLORIOUS A.I.M. SCIENTIST/ STORMTROOPERS!! REPRESENT, Y-57!!!
But now Y-57 is dead, and this is just one of those things we'll just... Never know.
The reason I am writing to you, Orpah's Book Club, is to request -- nay, DEMAND -- that my glorious series SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM-UP: MODOK'S 11 -- #1 goes on sale TODAY -- become your next Oprah's Book Club selection. Using my vastly powerful 144-lobed brain, Oprah, I have calculated that SVTU:M11 will be vastly -- VASTLY -- superior to your current selections, and bring only glory to your already-feared organization.
And of course (salivates slightly) we all know ... what a selection to your Book Club and promotion on your show does for sales ... and this, of course, will only increase the legend of I -- MODOK!
I see here that your current Book Club selection is something called Middlesex by the one who calls himself Jeffrey Eugenides.
That's fine. I guess.
FOR MENTALLY-DEFECTIVE CHILDREN!!!!
I SHALL NOW USE MY SUPER-LOGIC TO PROVE TO YOU HOW SVTU:M11 is vastly superior to this "Middlesex" in every conceivable way!
According to your web site, Middlesex is about: "As a child, Calliope Stephanides never felt like other girls her age. On her road to self-discovery, family secrets are exposed and an astonishing genetic history is uncovered."
BAH!!! WHAT CAN THIS BOOK TEACH US THAT THE AEROSMITH CLASSIC "DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY" CANNOT?!?!
Does Middlesex feature an eclectic team of Marvel's Most Wanted pulling off the greatest heist in 616 history?
Does Middlesex feature a non-stop roller-coaster ride of super-powered action and intrigue?
Does Middlesex feature the deathless prose of scripter Fred Van Lente, the stunningly detailed pencils of Francis Portela, and eye-popping covers by trusted art slaves Eric Powell and Marko Djurdjevic?!?
EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, IS THERE SINGLE WORD IN MIDDLESEX ABOUT I -- MODOK, THE GREATEST FICTIONAL CHARACTER THAT HAS BEEN OR EVER WILL BE?!?! NO! NO!! A THOUSAND TIMES NO!!
But SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM-UP: MODOK'S 11 -- on sale now (did I mention that?) -- certainly has all that and more!
So -- let's check the score here:
SVTU: M11 - 4
Middlesex - 0
I am commanding my Interweb slaves to buy up every copy they can find and mail them to you immediately so you may bask in the glow of its genius for your own self.
I eagerly await your reply.
We both know what it should be.
Yours in super-science terror,
MODOK
P.S. Take heed Oprah Book Club, my Interweb slaves at Wizarduniverse.com devoted 11 days to I -- MODOK. Let’s see some action like that from your end!
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Puzzle Contest Answer
2007-07-12 14:19:12
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I CAN ONLY EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR YOU IN CONTEST FORM, INTERWEB!!
The chance to submit answers to my brain teaser ended at midnight this past Tuesday. My Interweb minions are still sifting through the correct answers to randomly select a winner who will be drawn into SVTU:M11 #2.
IN THE INTERIM I WILL, IN MY INFINITE MERCY, REVEAL THE CORRECT ANSWER TO YOU!!
The puzzle consisted of this this picture beside the following five-number sequence:
001
164
034
141
256
???
The trick was to deduce the sixth number in the sequence.
The five numbers of the combination are the issue numbers of the first appearances of the six characters in the picture.
Chameleon first appeared in AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #1.
Deadly Nightshade first appeared in CAPTAIN AMERICA AND THE FALCON #164.
Living Laser first appeared in AVENGERS #34.
Mentallo first appeared in STRANGE TALES #141.
Puma first appeared in AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #256.
Therefore, the last number in the sequence must relate to the only other character on the cover -- I, MODOK -- who first appeared in TALES TO ASTONISH #94.
The answer is 094.
THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO SAY IS, WHY I AM SO SMALL ON THE COVER OF MY OWN FIRST APPEARANCE?!? YOU CAN BARELY SEE ME BEHIND (finger quotes) "CAP'S" KNEE!! RIP-OFF!!!
I guess it could be worse. Mentallo and Chameleon don't even appear on the covers of their first appearances.
The three of us are going to go out and get drunk tonight and complain about it.
The winner with the correct answer shall be posted here soon!
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MODOK Job Interview: You're HIRED!
2007-07-09 17:32:11
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Once again shall I reiterate how impressed I was at all the entries received here at Advanced Idea Mechanics headquarters. So overwhelmed was I to choose from such exemplary examples of evil, I -- whose original acronym, after all, was Mental Organism Designed Only for Computing -- developed a sophisticated numerical judging system as I sat down to read all of your entries en masse.
An answer that made me chortle audibly got 1 point.
An answer that made me laugh loud enough to make my beekeeper guards look quizzically into my chamber got 2 points.
An answer that inspired a long, deep, rolling, sinister guffaw, the kind usually given by the villain before an act break and a cut to commercial, got 3 points.
Exceptionally lame or unfunny answers got a demerit of -1 point, but don't panic, there weren't too many of those.
Once I tabulated all five of your answers in this manner, I calculated the winner.
At the end of that process, here were all the runners-up who had 1 or more points:
Big Daddy Hub 7
Bill Reed 5
Glend_am 5
Jgonspy 5
Mikep3313 5
gomer_azrael 4
SlymCyke 4
Captain Amazing 3
doomtendo 3
Festur 3
Rschrodt 3
comicsfan001 2
MsMarvelDuckie 2
popbot13 2
Ratodd 2
Sideswiper 2
Strange110 2
Dukesed 1
Jackal/s05bf0d4 1
JediJester 1
loganspeedo 1
M Strife 1
Mrmightymyth 1
Niels vanEeklen 1
Norbie 1
Optime 1
spiderseppy 1
In a way, all of you, in my book, are winners.
But in a much more accurate way, this is the winner, the EIGHT-POINT MODOK Job Interview response, represented here in its glorious entirety:
Q: Applicant, please describe your head. Use as much detail as possible.
A: Fitted hat size is 7 3/4. Kind of an oval shape. And, I have a neck. And chin. No mechanized floating device necessary, as my dome requires no external support devices-- re; a normal sized head.
Also, no energy/laser blaster fitted to my cranium. I guess they offer those if you're designed only for killing. Me, I'm designed only for chilling.
Anyway, my head is perfect for undercover type ops, my head can look quite anonymous if necessary. Deep Cover assignments? My head is the head you've been looking for. It would a good head to add to AIM's numbers.
Please let me know of the other requirements for employment with AIM. I don't think for myself and I need a giant floating head to tell me what do. Your group seems to offer what I need.
Thanks.
By the by, are you related to Ted Kennedy? Maybe a fraternal twin kind of thing. I ask because you both share the parade-float sized head.
Q2: Applicant, what would you consider to be your single greatest contribution to the field of super science?
A: My complete lack of fear of being experimented upon. There have been no less than 8 separate attempts by noted scientists such as Arnim Zola, the Enclave, even AIM itself to transform me into...I don't know exactly what, but something.
Genetic experiments, xeno-transplantation -- grafting one species to another in case your super-villain experiment lingo is rusty -- mind altering potions, none of it bothers me.
As a matter of fact a few of these procedures took but were washed away by what is apparently called a "retcon wave"...I don't know either, but someone on your Interweb explained it and used quite a bit of "blue" language to do so.
Anyway, I'm a willing to donate my live body to super-villain science. Gills maybe...you're the super-villain genius, I'm sure you'll think of something.
Thanks for your time, giant floating head with teeny tiny arms and legs.
Q3: As you may already be aware, Applicant, A.I.M. frequently finds itself in conflict with so-called (finger quotes) "super heroes." Which super hero would you most like to beat up, and why?
A: The question is, which one wouldn't I go after.
The Answer: none!
I would deliver a beating worthy of a narc at a Grateful Dead show. Or, a beating worthy of a SHIELD agent among the AIM ranks!
Perhaps a certain flag-clad hero. Deliver a posthumous beating! If MODOK so ordered...
Q4: To follow up on my previous question, Applicant, what specialized tactics, techniques or abilities would you use to accomplish the aforementioned super hero beatdown?
A: Don't want to say too much -- you know those filthy degenerate heroes read this Interweb stuff -- but it would involve an uncomfortable chair(s), lots of used dental floss to bind them to said chair(s), and hours upon hours of filmed interviews with Paris Hilton on a loop. Now THAT is torture, oh floaty one.
Q5: You have comported yourself most well, Applicant. You are articulate, well-dressed, and evidence a rage against humanity that will prove most useful to our organization. I have only one more thing to ask you.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO PROVE TO ME YOU ARE NOT AN UNDERCOVER S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT SENT TO SPY ON ADVANCED IDEA MECHANICS? HUH? HUH? PROVE IT TO ME!!
Note the red-hot glowing death glow glowing in my ruby-red headband as you contemplate your response.
A: Instead of having animal heads mounted on my wall, I have an array of SHIELD agent craniums on display for all to see. Nothing says commitment like human trophies...
What did I do with the bodies you may ask? How's that burger taste MODOK?
I think you follow me, and I think that's a giant smile on your giant head.
======================
YOU ARE CORRECT SIR!!! Smiling I am indeed.
That's right, the one who calls himself JAK8 has won the MOODK Job Interview.
His prize? You mean other than the chance to serve I -- MODOK! -- in a custom tailored vinyl yellow beekeeper outfit?
Well, JAK8, for you to familiarize yourself with my operations prior to reporting to the top-secret A.I.M. indoctrination and reeducation training camp in Hoboken, New Jersey, you will have to peruse a copy of the SCRIPT for the first number of SUPER-VILLAIN TEAM-UP: MODOK'S 11, SIGNED by my very own trusted writing slave, SVTU scribe Fred Van Lente.
To claim your prize, you need merely email your real name and snail mail address to Fred at modok@fredvanlente.com. Only JAK8 may email this request! My Interweb slaves have ways of verifying his identity!
Congratulations, JAK8. I look forward to you giving up your life in my noble cause.
And as for the rest of you, thank you for playing. I believe there's still time left to be drawn into MODOK's 11 itself -- my puzzle contest closes not until MIDNIGHT, Tuesday July 10!!
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About this blog:
BLOGDOK is the psychotic ramblings of a Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing. Or is it merely a decoy for a far more sinister plot? I, MODOK, have over 2,459 wholly separate plans for world domination running simultaneously in my highly advanced 144-lobed brain, so not even I know for sure!
 | About the author:
I, MODOK, first appeared in Tales of Suspense #94, created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby ("If This Be MODOK", Oct. '67) and I have been the butt of jokes about my giant head ever since. But now I shall have my revenge! IN BLOG FORM!!! |
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