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Luck O' The Irish
2008-06-24 16:39:36
I tried to send this last week, but it’s hard to raise people from the dead.
Without further ado, a few words from the late, great Banshee:
BANSHEE: Aye begora!
How are ye, ye fluthered Americans, a’with ye Happy Meals, an’ yeer Nascar an’ that?
Sean Cassidy here, at yar service. Ye may know me from a wee book ages a’go callin’ itself X-Men. I consider me-self a fair bloke an’ that, so far be it from me t’take the mickey outta no one. A’but I’d say that Marvel was actin’ the maggot when they chose t’do me in!
Why kill ol’ Banshee, I ask ye!? Sure, I act the eejit time an’ again! No reason to leave me body in flitters! Ye gommin’ Gobdaws!!!
Anyhow, that not be why I asked for this wee forum t’day. I just wanted to come back from heaven above ta congratulate the Boston Celtics on their top dollar perfaaarmance in th’ Bouncy Rugby Finals (or “basketball,” as ye cabbages alike te call it) against the skunchy Los Angeles Lakings.
Well done t’me fellow Irishmen, Kevin O’Garnett, Paul O’Pierce, an Raymond O’Allen, on winnin’. Bet yar feelin’ better than a brand new brown shoe. I’ll keep some sqidders on the back burner for ‘em up in St. Peter’s pad in the sky.
NATE: Uh…Banshee?
BANSHEE: Aye?
NATE: No one on the Celtics was Irish.
BANSHEE: Nay, ye say? They were adorned with green clovers! Seen ‘em with me own eyes!
NATE: Yeahhhh…but--
BANSHEE: Ye be off yar chomp, Cosby! Don’t make me come over there! I’ll be dug outta ya!
NATE: I don’t know what that—
BANSHEE: A shiner’s got yer name on it! Are ye Malahide!?
NATE: Stop using words I don’t—
(pat pop pat pat)
BANSHEE: Ha HA!
NATE: You just…tapped me on the top of the head.
BANSHEE: There be more where that came from, whippersnapper!
NATE: …
I’m going home.
JORDAN EXPLAINS DEADLINE TO NATE
2008-06-17 17:00:49
NATE: How we doin’?
JORDAN: Still coughing a bit, if that’s what you mean. Mostly feel ok. I’m just glad I didn’t lose my voice.
NATE: Yeah. I’m TOTALLY glad you haven’t lost your voice. And by the way…at this point, you’ve coughed for so long that you no longer have a cold. You have leprosy.
ANYhow…we’ve got a unique opportunity today. Y’see, a few years ago, before he left Marvel to go work for CrossGen, then DC, then Hardees, then TJ Maxx, and then back to Marvel, Editor Bill Rosemann (he of NOVA, ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN, SHE-HULK, GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY) wrote a comic here!!!!!!! This is great. It’s something called Deadline. What is it, Jordan? 100 words or less.
JORDAN: So, Kat Farrell is a rookie reporter on the “Capes” beat for the Daily Bugle. Thing is, she hates super heroes – thinks they're immature brats who endanger the city with their meaningless fights – and wants to get promoted to the paper’s crime beat and cover real news. Kat learns that if she can land a big story, she has a shot of getting promoted. She gets a tip that leads to a story investigating a serial killer targeting super-villains. She soon learns that the killer is the spirit of the murdered Judge Hart, now delivering “justice” to the guilty. But the real mystery just begins there, as she travels the underbelly of Marvel’s New York and the memories of its murdered citizens to find out who killed Hart, and how he became “The Judge”. In the end, Kat solves the mystery, but I don’t want to spoil it.
NATE: What in the…ROSEMANN!!!!!!
BILL: That’s right, True Believer, you gotta go hunt through the 25 cents bin for the answers…but the Guy Davis art is worth it!
NATE: Ok, FIRST off! You went in and changed Jordan’s summary of the book. It was originally 100 words, but Jordan says you upped it to 148, which means, in keeping with tradition, I have to stop reading at word 100 (“guilty”)
SECOND – I will now mock you by coming up with several replacement names for Kat Farrell:
Poodell Jumpy
Zebera Striper
Jerraf Longneck
Bunny Hopp
Shelley Turdle
THIRD – If you’re in a world full of super heroes, wouldn’t they be considered the upper echelon of reportage? In the real world, natural disasters and violence always make the front page. Powers are just an extension of that.
BILL: First: I couldn’t help tweaking Jordan’s summary…my Editor Brain commands me! [Editor's Note: We had to fix Bill's fixed summary with our editor brains]
Second: As for Kat’s name, Kat is short for Katherine (a nod to fellow feisty redhead Katherine Hepburn) – and Farrell is my wife’s last name…and she’s got 11 brother and sisters ready to show you why the Irish are indeed Fighting! Oh, and the name may not have pleased your mighty taste…but it was good enough for Brian Michael Bendis to use her in Pulse and Daredevil…and she’s now also appearing in New Warriors! So there!
But I must admit that Bunny Hopp is genius.
Third: See, that’s what (hopefully) makes Kat interesting. Some people think celebrities are big news and worthy of coverage. Others think they’re spoiled and not worthy of all the ink. Kat happens to think the city’s real heroes are the hard working so-called “normal” people like cops, firefighters, teachers, etc…but maybe not in your book, Nate Cosby!
NATE: Nah, I’m with Cat Feral. If they were real, I’d ignore heroes all the time. Buncha sissies.
Jordy, how d'ya feel about the Rose Man changing your pretty words?
JORDAN: He does not appreciate that I had to leave stuff out of my summary in order to fit the whole story. It was at a lean 100 words exactly. Anyway, I think this book was really pretty sweet. In her investigations, Kat winds up in some interesting places, and lets us see them in a new light. She goes to the “bar with no name,” she goes to the Tinkerer’s shop, she goes to Dr. Pow, who fixes up injured villains. It’s got cameos by Bullseye, Tombstone, Batroc, plus all the Daily Bugle faves, Betty Brant, Ben Urish, JJJ, “Robbie” Robertson…
BILL: And who could forget the Marvel debut of Philip “Fishbone” Betbeze, who tattoos superhumans with his adamantium-tipped needle?
NATE: Bunny Hopp wasn’t the alcoholic woman that was an alcoholic in Frontline, was she?
BILL: No, that was Sally Flounder. Or was that Sally Floyd?
JORDAN: So you can accept that a guy named Otto Octavius winds up with eight limbs, and Victor von Doom becomes an evil tyrant, but the idea that someone with the last name Farrell would be nicknamed “Kat” gets to you?
BILL: And it ain’t even pronounced like “feral”…it’s like “barrel”…sheesh!
NATE: I’m gonna come up with more names:
Holly Treemore
Misty Lakebed
Lacey Shirtsize
Wonto Threefore
Lady Daisy Rosemann
JORDAN: I always wanted to make a character named “Slinky Magicspring.” Never got around to it, yet.
Anyway, anyway, do you have any questions about the actual book, beyond the character’s name? Did you read the rest of the summary, you know, where the stuff happens?
NATE: No. I wanted to ask Rosemann what he thought of the new movie I didn’t see, though.
Rosemann! What’d you think of The Bourne Hulk?
I mean The Hulk Identity.
I mean The Incredible Ultimatum.
Hrm, what was that thing called…
BILL: I unfortunately was unable to make the Marvel screening…but I bet Jordan can describe it in 148 words or less.
NATE: Yeah, I couldn’t make it either. I had a date with Shelley Ocean.
BILL: I have a question…how old are you today, Birthday Boy Nate Cosby?
NATE: I am 27. Feels weird. I thought I’d feel older. But everyone in this office is older than me (Mark, Jordan, even the intern). It’s been rough: My mom’s been sending me one text for each year of my birth.
JORDAN: You only had one year of your birth. You were only born in one year.
NATE: Fair point, old man.
Awright, this has been a nice, congenial blog entry. I forget the book we were talking about—
JORDAN: DEADLINE! And it’s great.
NATE: Right. That one. Man, I miss football.
RATING: WFI (Watch Football Instead)
SON OF MYSTERY OF THE WHITE WHOOPING COUGH
2008-06-12 08:27:13
NATE: Now, Jordan. You, like all of the other Marvel people, went to see Not-Ang-Lee’s Hulk last night, right?
JORDAN: Why, yes, yes I did.
NATE: And what was the last scene you saw before the ushers asked you to leave because of your sonic boom-type coughs?
JORDAN: I thought it was too much to hope you were actually interested in how the movie was. No, I was not asked to leave because of coughing. I’m not coughing THAT much, and while they are sometimes… loud… the Hulk film was far louder.
NATE: Nah, I don’t care about the movie. Your coughing affects me much more.
In fact, I called you to this blog today to have an intervention…
Jordan. Have you eaten a dachshund?
JORDAN: What? No! What are you talking about?!
NATE: Too late to deny it!
Arbona, GRILL ‘IM!!!!!!!!
ALEJANDRO: We think you may have eaten a dachshund, Jordan. That, or you have a small colony of sea-monkey-like creatures thriving in a super-colloidal fluid suspension at the base of your throat.
JORDAN: I have not and have never eaten a dachshund, nor any other type of dog, to my knowledge. As for this sea-monkey thesis… again, I certainly didn’t PUT a colony in my throat, but at this point, I would be willing to believe that whatever virus I am infected with has evolved to that level. I’m sick, guys! Sick people cough! What are coughs supposed to sound like?
NATE: They’re not supposed to sound like cannons! You cough like you’re trying to emit a tapeworm!!!
And how do you KNOW you don’t have a dachshund inside you? He could’ve snuck in your mouth while you were sleeping!
(Jordan sleeps with a Popple)
JORDAN: I HAVE NOT SLEPT WITH A POPPLE FOR YEARS! …It was a very long time ago. And it was the white one. Anyway, I don’t think a dog could sneak into my mouth while I was sleeping, Popple or no.
ALEJANDRO: Hall’s. Mucinex. Antibiotics. These are the modern marvels of our pharmaceutical world.
NATE: I think the only way to come to terms with your ear-splitting pseudo-sickness is to come up with jokes. In fact, let’s open it up to the four people reading this:
WHOEVER COMES UP WITH THE BEST JORDAN-COUGHING JOKE GETS A PRIZE. IT’LL BE A RARE COMIC OR SOMETHING.
I’ll start off. Ahem.
Q: What makes this sound?
WheeeeeeeeGACRAWPHeeeeeeeeeeeeGRAPHRAWWWWPHeeeeeeeeeeeeMRAWWWPCHCRAWCRAWPH
A: Jordan on a rollercoaster.
JORDAN: Shows what you know. There is no way I would get on a rollercoaster.
ALEJANDRO: Might be worth it. Some fresh air may do you good. And sea air, like on the Cyclone at Coney Island.
JORDAN: …but I’m afraid of roller coasters…
ALEJANDRO: Yet you seemingly aren’t the least bit afraid of infectious, malignant bug colonies teeming and multiplying uncontrollably inside your respiratory system. “I’m sick, guys!” Jordan says. “Sick people have infectious, malignant bug colonies teeming and multiplying uncontrollably inside their respiratory systems!”
JORDAN: Oddly, no, I am not afraid of them, particularly. I am afraid of a great many things, and many of those fears are irrational. But I’m not afraid of germs, generally. These germs are causing me a tremendous inconvenience, and I am highly displeased with them, but I am pretty sure they will cause me no permanent harm.
ALEJANDRO: Won’t they? Nate?
NATE: Every time you cough I think about ways to cause you permanent harm.
Here’s another joke:
Q: What do you get when you put Editor Warren Simons, a 10-year-old girl and Jordan in a room?
A: Warren and the 10-year-old leaving the room.
Thank you!
(We’ll talk about comics tomorrow)
MYSTERY OF THE WHITE WHOOPING COUGH
2008-06-09 17:12:09
NATE: Special guest-star Alejandro Arbona (assistant editor, Daredevil, Iron Fist, Thor, other stuff), welcome to the blog.
ALEJANDRO: Thanks, Nate. But I have to admit, when you said, “Be on my blog,” I just thought you meant I should read it. So this comes as a surprise. Like answering the phone only to find you and your…uh, tens?...of readers conferenced in on the other end.
NATE: It’s ones. My cousins have stopped reading.
I’ve brought you on here today to talk about starting a charity. The Get Jordan D. White To Stop Whoopie-Coughing Before I Punch Him Foundation (G.J.D.W.T.S.W.C.B.I.P.H.). My foundation will work tirelessly to cure this horrible affliction before horrible…HORRIBLE things, happen to Jordan.
You in?
ALEJANDRO: I would be honored. We need to begin work on finding a cure immediately. My first idea is that his weird coughing noise is the result of his artificial smoking habit.
NATE: That could have something to do with it.
He’s been coughing all day, and it kinda…it’s more than a cough. It’s like a truck downshifting on the highway. Coming from somewhere deeper than his throat or his lungs. I think this cough comes straight from his soul. It's making it very difficult to work on CAPTAIN AMERICA WHITE #0.
ALEJANDRO: I’ve timed the frequency of his cough: every 60 seconds. And that’s come quite in handy for structuring my day. For example, I was working on word balloon placements for one of my books when it occurred to me that I should probably wrap it up, because I’d been at the task for over twenty Jordan-coughs. But is it really a cough? It’s like a throat-clearing/cough/loogie-hock/phlegm-gargle.
NATE: Yeah, it was enraging at first, then he went to lunch, and I was sitting here in the quiet, and I…I started to miss the cough. It was a part of me. There was a cough-shaped hole in my heart. Then he came back and went back to coughing and I wanted to punch him again.
You raise a good point, though. Having listened to this sound all day with metronomic frequency, I theorize that he ate a ping-pong ball over the weekend and it’s just not coming out. What say you?
ALEJANDRO: This one’s a strange thought, but I’ll throw it out there. Sometimes it also kind of sounds like a dog sneezing. I can’t begin to postulate what that could mean, though.
NATE: Oh no!!! I think I just cracked it!!!!
The name JORDAN D. WHITE—the D stands for DACHSHUND!!!!! JORDAN EATS WIENER DOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIERNER DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGS!!!!!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NATE AND JORDAN EXPLAIN INFINITY GAUNTLET TO EACH OTHER
2008-05-30 14:42:33
Hi there. Be just a second, gotta write a letter.
Dear Steven Spielberg,
Hi. Guess you know why I’m writing. Thaaaaaat’s right. You turned in your worst movie since "Hook." What I’m most surprised about? It was actually WORSE than Hook. I was amazed. Do you know how bad you’ve got to suck to rival characters like Rufio and a short-haired Julia Roberts Tink?
I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I threw up in my mouth a little bit. If I want to see an obviously-CGI battle where Sheena Le Boof gets hit in the crotch multiple times while straddling two vehicles, I’ll do so in about fifteen years, when he’s doing his Pre-Pulp-Fiction-John-Travolta-in-Look-Who’s-Talking-Now project in a desperate attempt to reignite his career.
Sigh. I wanted to like Indy 4 so much. But you had to put aliens in it. ALIENS. Aliens in Indiana Jones are about as welcome as ninja assassins popping up in Sleepless in Seattle.
Sorry, Steve. Good luck with Jaws 5, where Haley Joel Osment shows up and tries to make a shark his mom.
Yours,
Nate
P.S., "Munich" rocked.
ONWARD!
COMICS.
They used to be about a lot of different things (war, romance, crime, ducks). Now the only ones that sell in bulk have whiny guys in tights whining about their whininess.
FOOTBALL.
It’s the best thing in the world. College is football in its purest form, but the NFL will do in a pinch. And it’s almost always better than reading comics.
ONE man (Jordan) tries to get ANOTHER man (Nate) to read a comic instead of watching football.
LET IT BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!
NATE AND JORDAN EXPLAIN THE INFINITY GAUNTLET TO EACH OTHER
NATE: Now, get ready for this. Cuz I actually read INFINITY GAUNTLET. My next-door-neighbor-that-used-to-be-my-best-friend-until-he-dated-my-sister Rob lent me his copies, but he only had Issues #1 and #3-#6 (he’d spilt juice on his Issue #2). I read Issue #2 later.
JORDAN: See folks? He actually has read comics on purpose, when no one was paying him. I was shocked, too. Let’s see how much you remember about it. Have you read it since then?
NATE: Of course not. But I remember it fondly. Here’s my description, 50 words:
Thanos loves Death, but figures he needs to be god to impress her. He gets the Infinity Gems, which make him all-powerful, but Death ain’t impressed. He kills half of everything in the universe, which ticks heroes off. They fight, they lose, Adam Warlock gets the power glove.
There’s other stuff, but that’s about it, right?
JORDAN: Actually… yeah. You left out the part where he fights all the comics beings, and the whole thing about Nebula stealing the gauntlet from him before Adam Warlock gets it, but yeah, that’s the brief version. But, much like with Secret Wars, the summary leaves out all the good parts. The heroes going up against Thanos out in space on his big old death shrine, even though they have, basically, NO shot, is just an awesome scene. They’re nothing to him, he can do ANYTHING. Even you probably remember who the last one to fall is, right? It was a pretty memorable moment.
NATE: It was Cap. He yelled “NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THIS!” and grabbed Thanos’ jetpack and shot them both up into a spaceship and it blew up.
(by the way...Jordan said COMICS when he was supposed to say COSMIC. I like pointing out his faults. [EDITOR'S NOTE: I corrected Jordan, then removed said correction 'cuz I too like pointing out Jordan's faults.])
JORDAN: Close. No jetpack, no spaceship, no “Not like this!”, and Thanos was fine afterwards. But yeah, it was Cap. One of those awesome, inspiring moments, where he’s up against completely impossible odds and refuses to yield. Great moment. Oh, and Thanos’ constant companion in this series? Mephisto. Why is it so many of the series we talk about tie into Mephisto?
NATE: That’s a good poi--OOH!!!! OOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I just figured out the end to One More Day!
Mary Jane knew Mephisto had an “in” with Thanos, so she was willing to let a 97-year-old woman survive a bullet wound and dissolve her own true-love marriage, but in return, Mary Jane gets the Infinity Gauntlet!
This’ll all be revealed in the upcoming mini-series (and 187 crossover books), ONE MORE INFINITY. Or INFINITY GEMS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND. Or FACE IT, TIGER, I HIT THE JACKPOT! Or GENTLEMEN PREFER REDHEADS (WHEN THEY’RE OMNIPOTENT).
JORDAN: I think you’re on to something. Either that or Thanos used to be married to MJ, but Mephisto made us forget. Anyway, yeah… INFINITY GAUNTLET was, kind of, the ANNIHILATION of its day. It got a bunch of people who were used to reading books about people punching each other in the streets to read a book about people punching each other in space. It reintroduced the cosmic to the mainstream Marvel reader.
NATE: What’s ANNIHILATION?
JORDAN: Erg… nevermind. I’ll explain that some other day. But, yeah, Silver Surfer was around before the INFINITY GAUNTLET, and from what I hear, it did a real nice job of setting it up, showing Thanos finding the gems and all. But this series got people into Adam Warlock, it got people into Thanos, it renewed an interest in the Jim Starlin cosmic-y parts of Marvel.
NATE: Do you feel bad that when we spoke about INFINITY GAUNTLET before this, you got the artists wrong? And I GOT THEM RIGHT? (George Perez & Ron Lim)
JORDAN: Ok, so I forgot that George Perez drew some. I thought it was all Ron Lim. I was hoping it wouldn’t come up. Thanks for mentioning it.
NATE: There’s no other reason for me to have this blog other than making fun of people I like.
Ok, so my favorite parts of Iggy Gaunt:
-The splash-panel of soon-to-be-Thunderstrike Thor flying over where Japan used to be.
-That double-page splash where Thanos decided to make the word GOD out of rock, and then had the courtesy to write the credits on the stones beside it. Very Will Eisner-y.
-Spidey’s dawning realization that Mary Jane was one of the people that had disappeared. Can you imagine what Spidey would be like without MJ?
-Starfox losing his mouth. That was my favorite thing that Thanos did.
-The beginning of Issue #4. Great setup for how ridiculously overmatched the heroes are. Y’know what? ALL of Issue #4. The cover, the clever way that everybody gets the crap beat out’a them, the Cap scene, Thanos’s lady-version holding the decapitated Robert Downey Jr. head, turning Nova into toy blocks, the Surfer trying to grab the Gauntlet…that’s one of my favorite issues ever.
JORDAN: Wow… you really DO like this series!
I don’t remember the Thor part, but the rest of these things are great moments. I think it’s the end of issue #4, too, where you see the giant assortment of cosmic entities ready to wail on Thanos… or try to. Also, I love the cover to the first issue. Very well designed, like a really great classic movie poster. It’s got so many cool people on it, and they all look great. It really draws you in.
NATE: Yeah, but there’s always one thing that bothered me: The Thanos chick.
Death rejects his love, so what does he do? Try to make himself happy by making a FEMALE VERSION OF HIMSELF.
Now…I’ve been on some bad dates, but honestly, I couldn’t imagine a worse hook-up than a girl with MY face, wearing MY clothes, and liking EVERYTHING I like. That’s Creepsville Central.
JORDAN: Yeah… I never really thought about it like that. I would definitely not want to date a female me. The fact that she was wearing his clothes, too… I mean bad enough that he wears the same thing all the time, she is going to as well? Now, sure, he was just trying to make Death jealous… but why not make another woman who is perfect FOR him… like someone just like Death. Actually… he can do anything. Why didn’t he just make her like him?
NATE: Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. You’ve gotta understand the intricacies of bein’ a dude. It’s no fun to force someone into liking you. For guys, it’s about The Chase…The Big, Dumb Chase. Thanos could’ve used the Gauntlet to make flowers or create a psychologist who could give him therapy to make him understand why he can only love a chick that represents the end of everything. But no, he uses the Gauntlet like a kid on the playground beats up other kids to impress a girl. That’s a man thing. They don’t want to do the RIGHT thing to get the girl. They want to do the DUMB thing…and still get the girl.
JORDAN: But he doesn’t get the girl. He kills half the universe, then all the heroes and she still doesn’t give him the time of day. What does it take? How much is he expected to give?
NATE: Well, I certainly don’t think it helps that he looks like a California Raisin dressed in He-Man villain gear.
Ok, I want to keep going with this, but it’s making me uncomfortable talking about books that are good. Makes me feel all fanboy.
This baby gets a resoundingly good grade. One of my favorite stories of all time (and the ONLY cosmic comic I actually enjoy).
RATING: WR (Worth Reading)
MIKE WIERINGO MINI MARVEL
2008-05-16 16:40:09
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Dang it, I keep forgetting I have a blog. D'you ever forget you have a blog?
Anyway, Jordan reminded me I have a blog (I think he just misses explaining things to me...I don't let him talk in the office), so I figured I'd leave these pictures for anyone that likes good things.
Just put the finishing touches on the Mike Wieringo Hero Initiative book (coming in June, I believe), with seven pages by Mike Wieringo (the last work he ever did), in addition to great work by a TON of great artists, including Art Adams, Barry Kitson, Alan Davis, Humberto Ramos, and Mike Allred. Great stuff.
The main story is a What If version of the New Fantastic Four (Spidey, Wolvie, Ghost Ridey, Hulky) by Jeff Parker. But my FAVORITE thing (and if you know me, you know this already) is the last page I commissioned: A Mini Marvel tribute by Chris Giarrusso.
Best part: Check out Quicksilver and Captain America.
(we couldn't use Flash)
Behold the wonderment.
BYE MOLLY LAZER!!!!
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A LESSON IN PAIN – MY NEW YORK CON EXPERIENCE
2008-04-23 16:06:00
Let me try to quantify my football depression in terms that you comic folk can understand:
Remember when the first ULTIMATES series was out? It was awesome, right? But Mark Millar got busy doing Scottish things (mostly pertaining to sheep, I assume), so he didn’t really write fast? And Bryan Hitch was speeding along, drawing one panel per month? So you’d get issue 5 and read it in four minutes, then you’d have to wait five to six months before you got to read issue 6?
Ok, now imagine that you not only have to wait on the next issue of ULTIMATES, there’s NO OTHER comics coming out at the time. You’ve gotta wait half a year before you can enjoy yourself again. That’s what it’s like for me when football’s not on.
The only enjoyment I have right now is the first round of NBA playoffs (not bad), and laughing at baseball players when they get “injured.” The “injuries” these guys claim is hilarious. I’m fine with them taking time off, as long as the players agree to work ballpark security or sell hot dogs when they can’t play.
I’m getting off point. Here’s
A LESSON IN PAIN – MY NEW YORK CON EXPERIENCE
FRIDAY: Least Favorite Day of the Con
-Finished FRANKLIN RICHARDS: NOT-SO-SECRET INVASION and MARVEL ADVENTURES IRON MAN #13 on Wednesday, so I had nothing else to do but go to the con at 1 p.m.
-Started walking with Jordan to the con. Wanted to pick up some lunch on the way. Tried to get a Cosi sandwich, but Jordan thought that Cosi was toO “fancy.” Smacked myself in the head. Got a sandwich at Subway.
-Got to the con. Thought to myself, “Huh. Well, this isn’t so bad. Not really crowded.” And then someone told me they don’t let the public in until 3.
-Tim Dillon had set up a giant Hulk statue. Then he kinda randomly walked around passing out Skrull masks.
-Saw a fat guy wearing a Star Wars Imperial Guard uniform. In space, no one can hear you eat.
-Bought an Amelia Rules digest from Jimmy Gownley (REALLY good!). (high point of the day)
-Saw an emaciated woman wearing a Wonder Woman outfit. Was glad my gag reflex was still intact.
-Talked to Chris Giarrusso and Chris Eliopoulos and David Hahn and Todd DeZago and Tim Smith and Craig Rousseau and Fred Van Lente and Ryan Dunlavey (sp?) and 20 or so people that introduced themselves to me and acted like they knew me. I nodded as if I knew them.
(Here’s a problem I have: Everyone at these cons has a nametag, but almost everyone flips them around so you can’t see who they are. Why so challenging? I can't even remember my mom's birthday, let alone 75,000 freelancers' names.)
-Bob Layton and David Nakayama gave me free pieces of pretty expensive artwork. Nice of them.
-They sell funnel cakes at this con. I thought foods with terminal caloric content were relegated only to the South. I stand corrected.
-Saw Klaus Janson. Reminded him of who I was. Then reminded him of who HE was.
-Left right before 3.
-That night, Tim Dillon ate potato skins. (high point of his day)
SATURDAY: FAVORITE Day of the Con
-Woke up
-Ate Raisin Bran
-Watched Sportscenter
-Went for a long run
-Went to the gym
-Ate a sandwich
-Finished rereading The Blind Side
-Accidentally thought about the emaciated woman in the Wonder Woman costume and spit up a little of my sandwich (low point of the day)
-Watched "Karate Kid II" (the BEST of the trilogy)
-Ate some pasta
-Saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." (good flick! Glad that guy’s gonna be writing the next Muppets movie.)
-Saw a GREAT Spurs/Suns game that night
SUNDAY: Other Least Favorite Day of the Con
-Tim Dillon told me to move some boxes from one place to another. I did that.
-Saw Jon Stewart. He was wearing a hat. Not as short as I would’ve thought.
-Saw a guy dressed as Dead Superman, shirt ripped off with fake blood and bruises everywhere. Wondered what was wrong with society.
-Hungry. Why in the HECK are sandwiches NINE DOLLARS at this con!? These are AIRPORT prices!!!!!!
-Jordan and I did portfolio reviews. Tim Dillon made me pick 24 portfolios out of a cardboard box and then write their names down with a Sharpie on a piece of paper. Then Tim Dillon used scotch tape to stick them (crookedly) on the back of the Marvel booth. Then Jordan and I walked over to a little hut that said “Vans” or something on it, and Newsarama filmed us doing a review of their intern’s portfolio. Jordan had never done a portfolio review, so he stayed very quiet and thought about the Sentry.
Then we did some more portfolio reviews. During reviews, used words like:
PERSPECTIVE
LINE WEIGHT
STORYTELLING
KLAUS JANSON
OVERPRICED SANDWICHES
-Did three more portfolio reviews, then left Jordan by himself and just kinda wandered around. Found a booth that sold stuffed animal puppies. (high point of the day)
-Was a member of the All Ages panel, where me, Fred Van Lente, Jordan, Chris Eliopoulos, Chris Giarrusso and David Nakayama entertained ones upon ones of audience members with silly conversations about Hulk vs. Iron Man, FF vs. Spidey and Bulldogs vs. Hippos (Fred surprised me with this last one. I went into a 3-minute diatribe about how cute bulldogs are and how ferocious hippos can be).
-Left
So there ya go. Gotta say, it didn’t smell nearly as bad as the con I attended two years ago. Hopefully I don’t have to go to another for another two yea-
Aw dang.
Tim Dillon says I gotta go to the Philadelphia con.
Skrulls? Psh.
2008-04-21 13:15:39
Y’know what? Skrulls’re punks. They suck. They’re green and their ears are weird and they keep trying to enslave mankind and you just KNOW their breathe smells bad.
That’s why the Power Pack’s decided to whup up on ‘em. Gangsta style.
This here’s the cover to SKRULLS Vs. POWER PACK 2.
Skrulls don’t want none. WHAT!
This cover is heavily influenced by my heroes, Dr. Dre, Tupac Shakur and the Notorious B.I.G. I'm going to spend the next few days thinking about the best rap song I could tweak and turn into the Pack's theme song.
You guys are welcome to send in your ideas. (no dirty lyrics, please!)
JORDAN EXPLAINS MARVEL SUPER-HEROES SECRET WARS TO NATE
2008-04-15 16:25:57
Marvel Assistant Art Director Rich Ginter got married last weekend!
That lucky man tripped up and got himself a lovely wife, Kristen. Congrats.
Very much enjoyed the ceremony, the ride to the reception (with Rich’s parents!!!!) and the Yankees-themed reception itself (I kid you not…). But…if I had only one criticism…perhaps Mister Timberlake’s Sexyback was not the ideal choice for theme music when the couple was first announced as man and wife.
Otherwise, good stuff. Good cake. There was a chocolate fountain.
Onto business!!!
COMICS.
They used to be about a lot of different things (war, romance, crime, ducks). Now the only ones that sell in bulk have whiny guys in tights whining about their whininess.
FOOTBALL.
It’s the best thing in the world. College is football in its purest form, but the NFL will do in a pinch. And it’s almost always better than reading comics.
ONE man (Jordan) tries to get ANOTHER man (Nate) to read a comic instead of watching football.
LET IT BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!
NATE: Jordy, it’s been a while since I’ve read a comic. Anything to recommend?
JORDAN: Sure, always. I don’t think I’ve recommended one of my all-time favorites yet: the original Chris Claremont & Alan Davis EXCALIBUR, available in TPB format as EXCALIBUR CLASSIC.
NATE: I was just testing to see if you picked something Claremont, you dirty Claremont lover you. No, today we’ll be doing SECRET WARS!!!!!!!
Now, I borrowed my next-door-neighbor’s copies of SECRET WARS 17-or-so years ago. What I remember:
-Cap’s shield cracked.
-Doc Ock screamed something in French while slamming She-Hulk into something hard.
-For absolutely no reason, Spider-Man got a new costume.
-Molecule Man hooked up with a woman that somebody called a “cow” (don’t know why that’s stuck with me).
-Dr. Doom got all of Galactus’s powers so he could take future-David-Hasselhoff’s powers, but lost them or something. Then later, David Hasselhoff tried to hook up with Dazzler. But that’s SECRET WARS 2.
You fill in the rest.
JORDAN: You basically got it. The Beyonder kidnaps the heroes and villains of Marvel and tells them if they slay their enemies, they win their heart’s desire. The villains want to do it, of course; they try to kill the heroes. The X-Men and Magneto go off and have their own little non-partisan mutant clique. Then…the bulk of the series is random skirmishes between characters. Then, Doctor Doom takes Galactus’s power, then he takes the Beyonder’s power (and uses it…to heal his face!). The heroes help the Beyonder get it back, and then he calls the whole thing off.
NATE: Yeah, figured it wasn’t much deeper than I remember.
Why’d Beyonder kidnap ‘em? Nothing was on cable?
JORDAN: Again…basically, yeah. I think, after the fact, there have been a few retcon attempts to explain the whys and wherefores…but we all know you don’t care about that, right? In the story itself…no real reason given. I am surprised you didn’t mention what was (to me) the most memorable part: the villains drop a mountain on the heroes and the Hulk has to hold the entire thing up to keep them alive.
NATE: Oh yeah! That was a good part. Mister Fantastic rags on him to get him madder. Hang on.
(walking to the trades department…)
(flipflipflip)
Hulk’s holding the mountain (which weighs 150 billion tons) and says:
“Shut UP, Richards! I’m TIRED of hearing about how brilliant you are, and now, how brilliant Stark is--! Do you hear me? This dumb brute who’s buying you this time is fed up with this garbage!”
Then Reed says:
“Well, that’s exactly the kind of self-pitying mewling we expect from you, Hulk…or Doctor Banner, or whoever you are! But, you’re correct—you are a brute…so keep using your muscle! That’s all you’re good for!”
Why does Hulk refer to himself in the third person? And if he’s going to refer to himself in the third person, why take the time to call yourself “this dumb brute”? It’s the most polite argument under a mountain Nate has ever heard.
JORDAN: It’s pretty articulate for Hulk-speak.
Of course, probably THE most famous thing was (as you mentioned) Spidey getting his black costume. Basically, his costume was damaged and he sees Thor in a nice, new costume and he’s like, “What’s up with that, Thor?” And Thor is like “Yon room containeth a costume-fixer machine! Verily!” (Not direct quotes). Spidey goes in and apparently uses the wrong machine, because he ends up with a symbiote.
This raises two ideas:
1. We were THIS CLOSE to black, alien costume Thor,
2. For some reason, this place had a symbiote dispenser. That’s sort of like having a tape worm vending machine. Why would this be a good idea?
NATE: Oh, MAN, thank God that first thing didn’t happen! Thor would probably look ridiculous! Can you imagine, Thor wearing something dumb? Like…oh, I dunno…silver longjohns on his arms and legs or something?
JORDAN: … Sounds familiar.
Anyway, yeah… SECRET WARS was a big deal, as a crossover of it’s time, but it was pretty light on plot. It’s also responsible for me thinking Colossus is a jerk, and not worthy of Kitty Pryde. You see, Kitty and Colossus were dating before SECRET WARS, but he was taken by the Beyonder and she was not. On “Battleworld” (the patchwork planet the series took place on) Colossus met and fell in love with an alien. An alien who does not speak English. I think…I think she might have died. Then, of course, when he went home, he tells Kitty that this alien was his true love and breaks up with her.
NATE: This brings up an interesting point I’ve been meaning to ask you. If you could hook up with any alien, who would it be? Any fictional alien.
(full disclosure: Jordan is married. But since we’re talking about aliens, it’s not cheating.)
JORDAN: I am glad you clarified ‘fictional alien.’ I guess it depends on what the definition of “Alien” is. Ideally, I would like to pick Caprica Six from "Battlestar Galactica," but some people might not consider a Cylon alive. If not, then I will go with Jadzia Dax, from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine." But, in that same spirit of full disclosure, there is no way I would have left Kitty Pryde for either of them. Er…nor would I leave my wife for them.
NATE: I’m going to try to not make fun of you for wanting to make out with a robot.
(rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)
Nope! Can’t do it. JORDAN WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH A ROBOT!!!!!!!!!!!
JORDAN: Cylons are not just robots, they’re…why am I trying to defend myself against this? Why, who is your alien dream date, E.T.?
NATE: Hey, don’t get mad at me because you wanna kiss a Cuisinart.
My alien hook-up would be any one of the blue chicks that Kirk hooked up with in the original "Star Trek" series. Even though I’ve never seen one of those episodes, I’ve seen pictures of Kirk making out with them, and they’re pretty hot.
(Jeff Parker backs me up on this.)
JORDAN: I think they were usually green. And wait, you’ve never seen "Star Trek"? Weird. (Also, I heard you talking to Parker, and he backed me up on Caprica Six, as well.) …What does this have to do with SECRET WARS?
NATE: Parker’s only seen advertisements and said that the actresses they got to PLAY the Cyclone things were hot. YOU’RE the one that actually wants to marry one.
And I feel that these discussions aren’t just for you to explain comics to me; they’re also an opportunity for all four of the readers to get to know a little more about you…so they’ll be able to make fun of you as much as I do.
JORDAN: This doesn’t sound as prestigious as it did when you invited me on here. All right, well, let me review what (I hope) you’ve learned today.
1. SECRET WARS didn’t have a very deep story.
2. Hulk is a self-pitying mewler.
3. Aliens are from vending machines.
4. Colossus is a jerk.
5. Robot girls are better looking than alien girls.
NATE: Also:
1. The guy from Nip/Tuck can beat David Hasselhoff and a giant storm cloud.
2. You’d cheat on your wife if a coffeemaker winked at you.
Another productive day.
RATING: WFI (Watch Football Instead)
AGENTS OF EISNER!!!!
2008-04-15 09:22:19
SPECIAL SUPER SHOUT-OUT TO AGENTS OF ATLAS, NOMINATED FOR BEST HARDCOVER REPRINT EISNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me’n Mark P. edited it. It’s the best mini-series Marvel’s put out in about 10 years. If you’ve not read this puppy:
1. I feel sorry for you.
2. You’re not a complete person.
3. You’re going to get a boil in a strategically uncomfortable area.
Do you know anything about Agents of Atlas? If you do, tell a friend. You won't be sorry. Jeff Parker/Leonard Kirk goodness with gorillas, spacemen, water-breathing chicks, FBI agents and a guy from Uranus (he he he).
Oh, and for those of you that don't know, the Eisner's are the Tony Awards of comics. They were named after Michael Eisner, whose magical inspiration to bring Beauty and the Beast to the Broadway stage inspired countless comic creators for years to come. Also, he greenlit Pocahontas, which Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction say heavily influence their Iron Fist stories.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Nate is insane and out of control. The Eisner's were named after comic creator--and artistic genius--Will Eisner.]
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About this blog:
This is a blog for kids, featuring ONLY comics (and maybe movies and tv shows and GASP! books) that are for kids. You can keep your World War Hulks and your Civil Wars and your Punishers...let's have some fun! I'm bringin' over Spidey and Thor and we're havin' a PILLOW FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!
 | About the author:
Nathan Cosby has somehow managed to become an assistant editor at Marvel Comics. He can make helicopter sounds with his tongue and edits Power Pack, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four, Spider-Man Family and helps with all the other All-Age stuff. He is really good-looking and likes Gummi Bears.
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