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NATE AND JORDAN EXPLAIN INFINITY GAUNTLET TO EACH OTHER
2008-05-30 15:42:33
Hi there. Be just a second, gotta write a letter.
Dear Steven Spielberg,
Hi. Guess you know why I’m writing. Thaaaaaat’s right. You turned in your worst movie since "Hook." What I’m most surprised about? It was actually WORSE than Hook. I was amazed. Do you know how bad you’ve got to suck to rival characters like Rufio and a short-haired Julia Roberts Tink?
I was stunned. I’m still stunned. I threw up in my mouth a little bit. If I want to see an obviously-CGI battle where Sheena Le Boof gets hit in the crotch multiple times while straddling two vehicles, I’ll do so in about fifteen years, when he’s doing his Pre-Pulp-Fiction-John-Travolta-in-Look-Who’s-Talking-Now project in a desperate attempt to reignite his career.
Sigh. I wanted to like Indy 4 so much. But you had to put aliens in it. ALIENS. Aliens in Indiana Jones are about as welcome as ninja assassins popping up in Sleepless in Seattle.
Sorry, Steve. Good luck with Jaws 5, where Haley Joel Osment shows up and tries to make a shark his mom.
Yours,
Nate
P.S., "Munich" rocked.
ONWARD!
COMICS.
They used to be about a lot of different things (war, romance, crime, ducks). Now the only ones that sell in bulk have whiny guys in tights whining about their whininess.
FOOTBALL.
It’s the best thing in the world. College is football in its purest form, but the NFL will do in a pinch. And it’s almost always better than reading comics.
ONE man (Jordan) tries to get ANOTHER man (Nate) to read a comic instead of watching football.
LET IT BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!
NATE AND JORDAN EXPLAIN THE INFINITY GAUNTLET TO EACH OTHER
NATE: Now, get ready for this. Cuz I actually read INFINITY GAUNTLET. My next-door-neighbor-that-used-to-be-my-best-friend-until-he-dated-my-sister Rob lent me his copies, but he only had Issues #1 and #3-#6 (he’d spilt juice on his Issue #2). I read Issue #2 later.
JORDAN: See folks? He actually has read comics on purpose, when no one was paying him. I was shocked, too. Let’s see how much you remember about it. Have you read it since then?
NATE: Of course not. But I remember it fondly. Here’s my description, 50 words:
Thanos loves Death, but figures he needs to be god to impress her. He gets the Infinity Gems, which make him all-powerful, but Death ain’t impressed. He kills half of everything in the universe, which ticks heroes off. They fight, they lose, Adam Warlock gets the power glove.
There’s other stuff, but that’s about it, right?
JORDAN: Actually… yeah. You left out the part where he fights all the comics beings, and the whole thing about Nebula stealing the gauntlet from him before Adam Warlock gets it, but yeah, that’s the brief version. But, much like with Secret Wars, the summary leaves out all the good parts. The heroes going up against Thanos out in space on his big old death shrine, even though they have, basically, NO shot, is just an awesome scene. They’re nothing to him, he can do ANYTHING. Even you probably remember who the last one to fall is, right? It was a pretty memorable moment.
NATE: It was Cap. He yelled “NOT LIKE THIS! NOT LIKE THIS!” and grabbed Thanos’ jetpack and shot them both up into a spaceship and it blew up.
(by the way...Jordan said COMICS when he was supposed to say COSMIC. I like pointing out his faults. [EDITOR'S NOTE: I corrected Jordan, then removed said correction 'cuz I too like pointing out Jordan's faults.])
JORDAN: Close. No jetpack, no spaceship, no “Not like this!”, and Thanos was fine afterwards. But yeah, it was Cap. One of those awesome, inspiring moments, where he’s up against completely impossible odds and refuses to yield. Great moment. Oh, and Thanos’ constant companion in this series? Mephisto. Why is it so many of the series we talk about tie into Mephisto?
NATE: That’s a good poi--OOH!!!! OOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I just figured out the end to One More Day!
Mary Jane knew Mephisto had an “in” with Thanos, so she was willing to let a 97-year-old woman survive a bullet wound and dissolve her own true-love marriage, but in return, Mary Jane gets the Infinity Gauntlet!
This’ll all be revealed in the upcoming mini-series (and 187 crossover books), ONE MORE INFINITY. Or INFINITY GEMS ARE A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND. Or FACE IT, TIGER, I HIT THE JACKPOT! Or GENTLEMEN PREFER REDHEADS (WHEN THEY’RE OMNIPOTENT).
JORDAN: I think you’re on to something. Either that or Thanos used to be married to MJ, but Mephisto made us forget. Anyway, yeah… INFINITY GAUNTLET was, kind of, the ANNIHILATION of its day. It got a bunch of people who were used to reading books about people punching each other in the streets to read a book about people punching each other in space. It reintroduced the cosmic to the mainstream Marvel reader.
NATE: What’s ANNIHILATION?
JORDAN: Erg… nevermind. I’ll explain that some other day. But, yeah, Silver Surfer was around before the INFINITY GAUNTLET, and from what I hear, it did a real nice job of setting it up, showing Thanos finding the gems and all. But this series got people into Adam Warlock, it got people into Thanos, it renewed an interest in the Jim Starlin cosmic-y parts of Marvel.
NATE: Do you feel bad that when we spoke about INFINITY GAUNTLET before this, you got the artists wrong? And I GOT THEM RIGHT? (George Perez & Ron Lim)
JORDAN: Ok, so I forgot that George Perez drew some. I thought it was all Ron Lim. I was hoping it wouldn’t come up. Thanks for mentioning it.
NATE: There’s no other reason for me to have this blog other than making fun of people I like.
Ok, so my favorite parts of Iggy Gaunt:
-The splash-panel of soon-to-be-Thunderstrike Thor flying over where Japan used to be.
-That double-page splash where Thanos decided to make the word GOD out of rock, and then had the courtesy to write the credits on the stones beside it. Very Will Eisner-y.
-Spidey’s dawning realization that Mary Jane was one of the people that had disappeared. Can you imagine what Spidey would be like without MJ?
-Starfox losing his mouth. That was my favorite thing that Thanos did.
-The beginning of Issue #4. Great setup for how ridiculously overmatched the heroes are. Y’know what? ALL of Issue #4. The cover, the clever way that everybody gets the crap beat out’a them, the Cap scene, Thanos’s lady-version holding the decapitated Robert Downey Jr. head, turning Nova into toy blocks, the Surfer trying to grab the Gauntlet…that’s one of my favorite issues ever.
JORDAN: Wow… you really DO like this series!
I don’t remember the Thor part, but the rest of these things are great moments. I think it’s the end of issue #4, too, where you see the giant assortment of cosmic entities ready to wail on Thanos… or try to. Also, I love the cover to the first issue. Very well designed, like a really great classic movie poster. It’s got so many cool people on it, and they all look great. It really draws you in.
NATE: Yeah, but there’s always one thing that bothered me: The Thanos chick.
Death rejects his love, so what does he do? Try to make himself happy by making a FEMALE VERSION OF HIMSELF.
Now…I’ve been on some bad dates, but honestly, I couldn’t imagine a worse hook-up than a girl with MY face, wearing MY clothes, and liking EVERYTHING I like. That’s Creepsville Central.
JORDAN: Yeah… I never really thought about it like that. I would definitely not want to date a female me. The fact that she was wearing his clothes, too… I mean bad enough that he wears the same thing all the time, she is going to as well? Now, sure, he was just trying to make Death jealous… but why not make another woman who is perfect FOR him… like someone just like Death. Actually… he can do anything. Why didn’t he just make her like him?
NATE: Jordan, Jordan, Jordan. You’ve gotta understand the intricacies of bein’ a dude. It’s no fun to force someone into liking you. For guys, it’s about The Chase…The Big, Dumb Chase. Thanos could’ve used the Gauntlet to make flowers or create a psychologist who could give him therapy to make him understand why he can only love a chick that represents the end of everything. But no, he uses the Gauntlet like a kid on the playground beats up other kids to impress a girl. That’s a man thing. They don’t want to do the RIGHT thing to get the girl. They want to do the DUMB thing…and still get the girl.
JORDAN: But he doesn’t get the girl. He kills half the universe, then all the heroes and she still doesn’t give him the time of day. What does it take? How much is he expected to give?
NATE: Well, I certainly don’t think it helps that he looks like a California Raisin dressed in He-Man villain gear.
Ok, I want to keep going with this, but it’s making me uncomfortable talking about books that are good. Makes me feel all fanboy.
This baby gets a resoundingly good grade. One of my favorite stories of all time (and the ONLY cosmic comic I actually enjoy).
RATING: WR (Worth Reading)
Mini Marvels
you should do more mini marvels stuff
Posted by imironman545 on 2008-06-01 12:49:30
I tink Spielberg sould keep the alien stufs for a E.T. secuel.
Posted by Redy1 on 2008-06-01 18:07:23
Indy 4
You had to know there were going to be aliens. As soon as we start in area 51 you know it's going to end with a mothership taking off.
Wow I'm 46 and I'm less jaded than you guys. Lighten up and enjoy life more.
Posted by izzatrix on 2008-06-02 13:25:47
Nice photos.
And I agree with Imironman. I think it would be interesting if we saw more Marvel Minis.
Posted by Aziroth on 2008-06-02 15:28:31
Indy 4
hey I loved Indy 4 lighten up a bit
Posted by imironman545 on 2008-07-01 18:52:35
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About this blog:
This is a blog for kids, featuring ONLY comics (and maybe movies and tv shows and GASP! books) that are for kids. You can keep your World War Hulks and your Civil Wars and your Punishers...let's have some fun! I'm bringin' over Spidey and Thor and we're havin' a PILLOW FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!
 | About the author:
Nathan Cosby has somehow managed to become an assistant editor at Marvel Comics. He can make helicopter sounds with his tongue and edits Power Pack, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four, Spider-Man Family and helps with all the other All-Age stuff. He is really good-looking and likes Gummi Bears.
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