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SON OF MYSTERY OF THE WHITE WHOOPING COUGH
2008-06-12 09:27:13
NATE: Now, Jordan. You, like all of the other Marvel people, went to see Not-Ang-Lee’s Hulk last night, right?
JORDAN: Why, yes, yes I did.
NATE: And what was the last scene you saw before the ushers asked you to leave because of your sonic boom-type coughs?
JORDAN: I thought it was too much to hope you were actually interested in how the movie was. No, I was not asked to leave because of coughing. I’m not coughing THAT much, and while they are sometimes… loud… the Hulk film was far louder.
NATE: Nah, I don’t care about the movie. Your coughing affects me much more.
In fact, I called you to this blog today to have an intervention…
Jordan. Have you eaten a dachshund?
JORDAN: What? No! What are you talking about?!
NATE: Too late to deny it!
Arbona, GRILL ‘IM!!!!!!!!
ALEJANDRO: We think you may have eaten a dachshund, Jordan. That, or you have a small colony of sea-monkey-like creatures thriving in a super-colloidal fluid suspension at the base of your throat.
JORDAN: I have not and have never eaten a dachshund, nor any other type of dog, to my knowledge. As for this sea-monkey thesis… again, I certainly didn’t PUT a colony in my throat, but at this point, I would be willing to believe that whatever virus I am infected with has evolved to that level. I’m sick, guys! Sick people cough! What are coughs supposed to sound like?
NATE: They’re not supposed to sound like cannons! You cough like you’re trying to emit a tapeworm!!!
And how do you KNOW you don’t have a dachshund inside you? He could’ve snuck in your mouth while you were sleeping!
(Jordan sleeps with a Popple)
JORDAN: I HAVE NOT SLEPT WITH A POPPLE FOR YEARS! …It was a very long time ago. And it was the white one. Anyway, I don’t think a dog could sneak into my mouth while I was sleeping, Popple or no.
ALEJANDRO: Hall’s. Mucinex. Antibiotics. These are the modern marvels of our pharmaceutical world.
NATE: I think the only way to come to terms with your ear-splitting pseudo-sickness is to come up with jokes. In fact, let’s open it up to the four people reading this:
WHOEVER COMES UP WITH THE BEST JORDAN-COUGHING JOKE GETS A PRIZE. IT’LL BE A RARE COMIC OR SOMETHING.
I’ll start off. Ahem.
Q: What makes this sound?
WheeeeeeeeGACRAWPHeeeeeeeeeeeeGRAPHRAWWWWPHeeeeeeeeeeeeMRAWWWPCHCRAWCRAWPH
A: Jordan on a rollercoaster.
JORDAN: Shows what you know. There is no way I would get on a rollercoaster.
ALEJANDRO: Might be worth it. Some fresh air may do you good. And sea air, like on the Cyclone at Coney Island.
JORDAN: …but I’m afraid of roller coasters…
ALEJANDRO: Yet you seemingly aren’t the least bit afraid of infectious, malignant bug colonies teeming and multiplying uncontrollably inside your respiratory system. “I’m sick, guys!” Jordan says. “Sick people have infectious, malignant bug colonies teeming and multiplying uncontrollably inside their respiratory systems!”
JORDAN: Oddly, no, I am not afraid of them, particularly. I am afraid of a great many things, and many of those fears are irrational. But I’m not afraid of germs, generally. These germs are causing me a tremendous inconvenience, and I am highly displeased with them, but I am pretty sure they will cause me no permanent harm.
ALEJANDRO: Won’t they? Nate?
NATE: Every time you cough I think about ways to cause you permanent harm.
Here’s another joke:
Q: What do you get when you put Editor Warren Simons, a 10-year-old girl and Jordan in a room?
A: Warren and the 10-year-old leaving the room.
Thank you!
(We’ll talk about comics tomorrow)
After two seconds of looking on the internet for a coughing joke (coming up with doesn't mean original, does it?), I present you with a joke that may solve your Jordan coughing problem.
John was a clerk in a small drugstore, but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing. He ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering his boss' warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the dang cough syrup. So, I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.
"Ex-Lax?!! That won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will!" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Just look at him. He's afraid to cough."
From http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/doctorjokes/cough.shtml
Posted by Matthan on 2008-06-12 14:51:22
Jordan's Demon Cough!
Nate,
You might want to consult an exorcist. From the sound of things Jordan has Azazel(Chief of the "Hairy Demons) stuck in his throat.
That could also explain his refusal to seek remedies. This demon has gained control of his senses and is refusing to vacate his new residence.
Todd Willis
Posted by ctwillis on 2008-06-16 10:13:51
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About this blog:
This is a blog for kids, featuring ONLY comics (and maybe movies and tv shows and GASP! books) that are for kids. You can keep your World War Hulks and your Civil Wars and your Punishers...let's have some fun! I'm bringin' over Spidey and Thor and we're havin' a PILLOW FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!
 | About the author:
Nathan Cosby has somehow managed to become an assistant editor at Marvel Comics. He can make helicopter sounds with his tongue and edits Power Pack, Marvel Adventures Fantastic Four, Spider-Man Family and helps with all the other All-Age stuff. He is really good-looking and likes Gummi Bears.
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