Published May 15, 2017

Psych Ward: Darth Vader

Our therapist risks his life to profile the Dark Lord of the Sith!

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It was my honor to serve The Emperor by psychologically investigating and observing the subject known as Darth Vader. My colleagues—former colleagues—argued against this as deeply unethical, but I know the Empire must come before all else. They stood for their foolish principles and paid the price. I, by far, prefer the rewards of our government as opposed to their punishments.

While the Empire, in its wisdom, did not allow this writer access to Vader’s medical records, it is clear that he is deeply unhealthy. He appears to have significant breathing difficulties and his movements suggest that he is not entirely organic at this point.

Despite his reputation for being a cold and distant figure, it is clear that he, in fact, possesses a wicked temper. He masks it with a flat affect and few words, but his days are marked by him lashing out with what this writer has discerned are some kind of “Force powers.” Although I did not see him kill anyone, there are more than a few rumors to that effect that seem accurate.

Additionally, the subject seems to have a deep inferiority complex. He is constantly plotting to prove himself better than everyone around me. Even as most of the Empire is quite obviously fearful of him, he cannot seem to help but need his worth affirmed by acts of mental and physical superiority.

I also have concerns about his level of focus. It seems that he has been placed in charge of many projects and yet I often noted him seemingly staring off into space for long periods of time. At times, I noted him whispering, “Soon…” or “I know you can feel the power beckoning you to me,” to himself but I have no idea what this might mean. However, I think it is worth investigating further, almost certainly.

To further back up my findings, I have suggested the Empire use Doctors Charles Soule and Giuseppe Camuncoli. I think you’ll find them similarly loyal and morally…flexible. They have June 21 available and will upload the data into the DARTH VADER #2 file.

The Star Wars Universe Tim Stevens is an ethically challenged therapist who loves a nice glass of blue milk now and then.