Band of the Bland



Sitting Bullseye was a C.I.A. agent skilled in the use of rubber tipped suction arrows, who had infiltrated a Native American movement looking for evidence of bootlegging, only to be identified. His suspects tattooed a target on his chest, costing him his job; he could not go undercover with such a distinctive feature. Tillie the Hun was a large woman possessing great strength, who dressed like a barbarian warrior. The Spanker was a prep-school headmaster fired for excessive corporal punishment; now he patrolled the streets with his paddles looking to reprimand miscreants.] Black Hole had been playing handball when a grain of dwarf star matter fell from the skies and imbedded itself in his breast bone, giving him the power to open a miniature black hole on his chest and suck victims into it. In spite of their abilities, each languished in mediocre obscurity until they were assembled by Doctor Angst, Master of Mundane Mysticism, who performed magic based on everyday items. Angst had been hired by unknown parties to assassinate the All-Night Party's Presidential candidate, Howard the Duck, and intended to use his "Band of the Bland" to do it. Tricking them into believing their powers had been enhanced by giving them a mystic placebo, Promethium Mettle Spheres, he led them in assaulting Howard's current location, Doctor Strange's Sanctorum. Angst caught Strange off-guard, knocking him out, and trapped Strange's fellow Defenders downstairs with Howard's friend, Beverly Switzler, where the Band then attacked them. Empowered by Strange, Howard banished the combatants to Shea Football Stadium, where they would have more room to fight, while he battled Angst in the mansion. Though they gave a surprisingly good account of themselves, the Band was soon defeated, and arrested.

Years later, Angst escaped Wormwall Correctional Facility and reunited the Band. He had used the magical Plunger of Patooti to reverse the suction of a distant singularity, creating the Cosmic Blowhole, which spewed a number of Compaction Receptacles. Each of these contained an Encroachiverse, which were failed dimensions, like the Baloneyverse or the Dimension of Suicide, which had been compacted to prevent their interaction with viable realities. If allowed to expand and occupy the same space as the Earth dimension, the Encroachiverses would cause mutual annihilation; the "Cosmic Squish Principle." Five locus points chosen by Angst for their exceptional dullness, such as New Jersey, would survive and be used as the basis for a new reality, the Insipiverse, the quintessential distillation of cosmic tedium. The Critic (an alien from an off-shoot of the Watchers' species) sought to prevent this, gathering the She-Hulk, Louise Mason, Brent Wilcox, the Terror (Laslo Pevely), and Howard the Duck. Again outmatched, the Band was defeated. Black Hole's powers were used to contain all the Receptacles and Encroachiverses, and the Critic removed him from Earth to ensure he never released them. Black Hole somehow later ended up in Ravencroft mental institution, but the fate of the rest of the Band remains unrevealed.

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