1 pound pizza dough

3 all-beef hot dogs, cut to resemble pepperoni

1 white onion, diced, divided

Sport peppers in brine, to taste

2 plum tomatoes, cut into wedges, divided

Dill pickle spears in brine, to taste

½ cup yellow mustard

Olive oil, for brushing

1 teaspoon poppy seeds

8 ounces part-skim mozzarella, shredded

Neon green relish, to taste (seriously, this is what it’s called)

Celery salt, to taste

Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F.

Toss, roll, shape, stretch, whatever the pizza dough in to a 16-inch round.  Watch the vid for tips on this or consult your local pizzaiolo.  No method is particularly wrong.  Just make it thin and round, with a lip on it aka crust.  Transfer this to a pizza pan and set aside.

In a sauté pan over medium heat, add the hotdogs and fry until crisp, about 8 minutes.  Use a slotted spoon to transfer the hotdogs to a paper towel lined plate.

In the same pan, add half the onion, and sauté until softened, about 4 minutes.  Add about ¼ cup of the sport pepper brine and scrape up any brown bits that may have accumulated in the pan. Add a few sport peppers, to taste, half the tomatoes, about ¼ cup pickle brine, and yellow mustard to the pan. Bring to a simmer and cook until thickened slightly, about 2 minutes.

Carefully transfer the mixture to a blender and blend until smooth.

Brush the pizza crust with olive oil, sprinkle with poppy seeds, and add a layer of sauce.  Sprinkle with the cheese and top with the remaining onion, tomatoes, pickles, and the hotdogs.  Bake until the cheese is melted and crust is browned and crisp, about 20 minutes.  Top with neon relish and sprinkle with celery salt before cutting and serving on a paper plate.  For maximum effect, consume folded gently in half while walking to your nearest public transit hub.